The Poison of Unforgiveness

(Discover Biblical Steps to Embrace Forgiveness and Healing)

Scripture Reference: Exodus 34:6-7 – Jeremiah 31:34 – Matthew 18:21-22

“The Lord then passed in front of him [Moses] and called out,

'I, the Lord, am a God who is full of compassion [mercy] and pity, who is

not easily angered and who shows great love and faithfulness. I keep

my promise for thousands of generations and forgive evil and sin.”

“No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his

brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,' for they all shall know Me, from the

least of them to the greatest of them, says the Lord. For I will forgive

their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more"

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him,

“I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Many people ruin their health and their lives by taking the poison of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 (AMPC) tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area or have ever had one, I'm sure you bear witness with what I'm saying. It's torture to have hateful thoughts toward another person rolling around inside your head.

Unforgiveness is like torture

"It can be hard to forgive and let go but it's important to remember that harboring resentment and holding a grudge can hurt you even more. The word 'forgive' really means to give something up for yourself not for them." "Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Unforgiveness makes us feel angry, cold, hard, bitter, and resentful. The impact of unforgiveness can be physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Yes, you may feel justified in your anger, yet you must choose what you desire - your anger or freedom from anger. In the very first book of the New Testament in the Bible, the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 18, Jesus tells a parable about a man who refuses to forgive someone even after he has been forgiven.

And Jesus describes the consequences of that unforgiveness as being like torture. When we don’t forgive, we are deciding to hold onto the offense. We focus on our pain and choose to relive the moment that offended us whenever the offender comes nearby.

Forgiveness – Choosing to Remember

I have been in and around church my entire life. As I have gotten older, there are certain “church sayings” that I have had to check for their truthfulness. One such phrase is “forgive and forget,” and another is “you need to learn to forgive yourself.”

The phrase “forgive and forget” is not found in Scripture. Yes, yes, the Bibledoes say such things as, “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12), “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” (Isaiah 43:25), and “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out,” (Acts 3:19), but let’s be realistic.

One, our all-knowing Father God cannot forget, and two, we can’t just automatically forget something. Try not to think of a purple gorilla riding a unicycle. How’s that working for you? Sure, there are those times when God takes memories of heartache and pain away. So it isn’t that forgetting isn’t possible, but Scripture simply does not couple forgiving and forgetting.

This brings us to the second ‘church phrase,’ “You need to learn to forgive yourself.” To get straight to the point, never does the Bible talk about the idea of “forgiving yourself.” We are told to forgive others when they trespass against us and seek forgiveness (Matthew 6:12). When we ask for God’s forgiveness based upon Christ having already paid for our sins and our having trusted in Him as Savior and Lord, He forgives us.

However, even though we are released from the bondage to sin (as spoken of in Romans chapters 6-8), we can still choose to wallow in it and act as though we are not freed from it. Likewise, with guilty feelings we can accept the fact that we are forgiven in Christ, or we can believe the devil’s lie that we are still guilty and should therefore feel guilty.

So although the Bible does not directly command us to forgive ourselves, it does tell us to believe. Think about it for a moment. Paul tells us plainly that there is “now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). He also says that “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new ” (2 Corinthians 5:17). If you continue to condemn yourself after receiving the grace and forgiveness of Christ, isn’t there a sense in which you are denying the faith and crucifying the Son of God afresh (Hebrews 6:6)?

When our former sins come to mind, we can choose to dwell upon them (with the resulting guilty feelings), or we can choose to remember and fill our minds with thoughts of the awesome God who forgave us and thank and praise Him for it (Philippians 4:8). Remembering our sins is only beneficial when it reminds us of the extent of God’s forgiveness and makes it easier for us to forgive others (Matthew 18:21-35).

Do Not Damage Your Soul

By withholding forgiveness, we think we’re hurting the other person when in

reality, we’re hurting ourselves.

When people withhold forgiveness or harbor resentment towards someone

else, it often ends up making things worse for the person who has been

wounded. One proverb compares resentment to swallowing poison and

expecting the other person to die. When we hold onto the overwhelming

emotions of anger, distress and despair, we repeatedly injure ourselves and

further the damage that has been inflicted on our souls.

Forgiveness Is A Choice

Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord

forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13 TLB

There isn’t a person alive who hasn’t been wronged at some point in their life. Whether the wrong is the result of a minor offence or a major trauma, we all have a choice to make. We can either let the wrong that was perpetrated against us cause us to sit down and wallow in pity, or we can choose to get up, dust ourselves off, forgive, and keep going.

Forgiveness is a choice, and it’s never too late to make the right

choice.

You cannot expect any significant growth in your life until you release yourself from the effects of the wrong that was committed against you. Give it all to God: the anger, the resentment, the hurt, the shame, the guilt—and whatever else it is that has kept you an emotional prisoner of the past.

I realize it’s not easy to forgive when you’ve been treated badly or abused in some way, but forgiveness is the very key to your freedom. It is a powerful tool that God has provided for us so that we can remain free from our past and in right standing with Him. That’s why Jesus said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins” (Mark 11:25 NIV).5

Forgiveness is a choice that takes courage and strength, and it gives us the opportunity to become an overcomer rather than remaining a victim of our own scorn. Forgiveness is an opportunity to apply Gospel truths. You have been forgiven so you are able to forgive (Col. 3:13, 2 Cor. 5:18-19), and forgiveness is not just a great gift to bestow on others; it’s also something that allows us to be free. We can forgive because of who we are in Christ.

You do not have to suffer the rest of your life for your own past mistakes or the mistakes of others. What happened in your past does not have to define your future. God is in the business of restoration, and He will restore all you have lost if you will seek Him and believe His Word. Choose today to forgive—not only others, but yourself as well.

Helping Yourself and Others

Who are you helping most when you forgive the person who hurt you? Actually, you're helping yourself more than the other person. I always saw forgiving people who hurt me as being really hard. It seemed so unfair for them to receive forgiveness when I had gotten hurt. I got pain, and they got freedom without having to pay for the pain they caused.

Now I realize that I'm helping myself when I choose to forgive. I'm happier and feel better physically when I'm not filled with the poison of unforgiveness.

I'm also helping the other person by releasing them so God can do what only He can do. If I’m in the way—trying to take revenge or take control of the situation myself—God has no obligation to deal with that person. However, if we trust God and choose to forgive, He will take care of the rest. See, the act of forgiving is our seed of obedience to His Word. Once we've sown our seed, He is faithful to bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another.

Mark 11:22-26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. The Father can't forgive our sins if we don't forgive other people. We reap what we sow. Sow mercy, and you'll reap mercy; sow judgment, and you'll reap judgment. So do yourself a favor—and forgive.

Forgiveness and Fellowship with God6

There are still more benefits of forgiveness. Your fellowship with God flows freely when you're willing to forgive, but it gets blocked by unforgiveness. Forgiveness also keeps Satan from getting an advantage over us (see 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 AMPC).

Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold. Do not help Satan torture you. Be quick to forgive.

How to Forgive Others

Would you like to become more successful at forgiving others? There are practical steps that must be taken. One time I asked the Lord why so many people want to forgive but aren't successful doing it. And He said, "Because they aren't obeying what I tell them to do in My Word." As I searched the Word, I found the following instructions:

1. Decide – You will never forgive if you wait until you feel like it. Choose to obey God and steadfastly resist the devil in his attempts to poison you with bitter thoughts. Make a quality decision to forgive, and God will heal your wounded emotions in due time (see Matthew 6:12-14).

2. Depend – You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It's too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you, but you must humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22-23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit!" His next instruction was about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe the Holy Spirit on you so you can forgive those who've hurt you.

3. Obey – The Word tells us several things we're to do concerning forgiving our enemies:

4. Letting go of the past – There isn’t one of us that can look back at our lives and point to things they wish they would have done differently. I look at all my children and see the amazing job they are doing in raising their children, and sadly it’s a reminder for me of my many failures as a father, and7 how I wish I would have done so many things differently. Having said that, one undeniable truth always remains true. For years I’ve talked with so many of my incarcerated brother in Christ who today, stand forgiven before the Lord, yet looking back so many of them can hardly believe that they fell so deeply into sin and did the things they did. I’m not trying to simplify things, but honestly, “what is done is done.” No amount of remorse, regret, or even repentance can change the past. I can’t change what I did 30 minutes ago, or what I did 30 years ago. I have to face the truth of what my past actions looked like, – Lord willing, learn from my mistakes, and live my life today according to that which is right, – learning from the wisdom of God’s word that I can apply to my life every day.

Sometimes it’s a family member or a friend we’ve known for many years who may have been silent, but for years has been harboring bitterness toward some offense they are holding against you. That kind of behavior only leads to ongoing unresolved conflict, – that which can fester over time, leading to an ongoing heart of unforgiveness. There is nothing I can do to go back and change some of my behavior from decades ago. What I can do is to address the situation and the offended parties hurt, – seeking their forgiveness. It has to end there, just as it does with God.

When we come to God with a broken and contrite heart, we genuinely repent, meaning we are now going in a different direction. Our heart and mind no longer thinks the same. Therefore to be reminded of how we were years ago serves no purpose, and only leads to further hurt and pain. A genuine believer doesn’t have a choice – he or she forgives someone of their past transgressions, but that is what God has done for us, and what expects us to do toward our fellow man.

It takes a mature believer to let go of the past, and with a thankful heart, live their life today, knowing that God saw them through those years of pain and sorrow and now wants them to leave the past right where it is, and move on toward the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus.

a. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare (see Luke 6:27-28). As you pray, God can give them revelation that will bring them out of deception. They may not even be aware8 they hurt you, or maybe they're aware but are so self-centered that they don't care. Either way, they need revelation.

b. …”Bless and do not curse them” (Romans 12:14). In the Greek to bless means "to speak well of" and to curse means "to speak evil of." You can't walk in forgiveness and be a gossip. You must stop repeating the offense. You can't get over it if you continue to talk about it.Proverbs 17:9 says that “he who covers an offense seeks love.”

Who Should You Forgive?

Forgive the person who badly hurt you long ago and also the stranger who stepped on your toe in the grocery store. Take those two extremes and forgive them in addition to everyone in between. Forgive quickly. The quicker you do it, the easier it is. Forgive freely. Matthew 10:8 (AMPC) says, …Freely you have received, freely give. To Forgive means "to excuse a fault, absolve from payment, pardon, send away, cancel, and bestow favor unconditionally.

Forgive God if you are angry with Him because your life didn't turn out theway you thought it should. God is always just. There may be things you don'tunderstand, but God loves you, and people make a serious mistake when theydon't receive help from the only One who can truly help them.

You may even need to forgive a situation or an object—the post office, bank, a certain store that may have cheated you, a car that always gave you trouble, etc. Get rid of all poison that comes from bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. And remember Proverbs 4:23 (AMPC): “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance...for out of it flow the springs of life.”

Unforgiveness is spiritual filthiness, so get washed in the water of God's

Word to forgive and stay clean.

Final Thought

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning their behavior. It doesn’t mean forgetting how they hurt you or giving that person room to hurt you again. Forgiving someone means making peace with what happened. It means9 acknowledging your wound, giving yourself permission to feel the pain, and recognizing why that pain no longer serves you. It means letting go of the hurt and resentment so that you can heal and move on.

Life is too short to hold onto regrets.

When a life or death situation happens, you soon realize that some things really don’t matter. I could easily hold onto resentment for my father’s actions, but you know what? I don’t want to be thirty-five or sixty-two regretting that I never made peace with him while he was still alive.

I could wait, because forgiveness doesn’t require his participation, but why prolong my unhappiness? An added bonus has been my ability to enjoy getting to know him a bit from a loving perspective.

Forgiveness is a process; it’s not magic.

This is a common misconception. Saying, “I’m sorry,” and expecting everything to fade away and be sunshine and roses is ridiculous. You will be angry and feel those resentful feelings again and again. But, you have a choice.

When you have those feelings, you can question them. Is it really worth it? Can you see it another way? Are these hurtful thoughts bringing you peace? I choose peace.

One day soon, you may meet someone at their bottom. They may be guilty as the day is long, they may have done terrible things. And they will probably think their life is over. God may put you in position to teach them about God’s forgiveness. God may not be so much as punishing them as He is changing them, shaping them into something for the future, for a time when they can be living testimonies to the amazing, transformative power of God’s

forgiveness.

“Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, people of Israel?” Ezekiel 33:1110

Giver of abundant mercy, who asks me to forgive seven times seventy, my heart is angry, wounded, and broken. I'm in turmoil. Hold me and strengthen me so I can extend the forgiveness that has been offered me. Mountain-mover, may your tremendous power work to mend my relationship with those that have hurt me, or those that I have hurt, even if I don’t feel that I have. Bring me to a peace that allows me to desire their good (or at least not want bad to come to them). Protect me and my heart, as I walk forward in faith and learn

how to give my suffering to you. Amen.

From: Fight the Good Fight of Faith / Life Journal: By Gregg Harris